Weekend at ManCamp

Picture, if you will, a place, a place that represents almost everything that being a man is all about. Think about everything that Maxim would be about if they weren't a bunch of cologne wearing high fashion pretty boys with $1000 watches. Think 40 acres of Maine forest, a big old house with about a dozen bedrooms, a couple of big dogs, a couple of big horses, and a fully stocked woodshop. Think having a near-constant cramp in your ribs from laughing so hard. Think bigscreen HDTV with a gnarly sound system, a Playstation 2, a Playstation 3, and a Wii. Think a 70's vintage motocross motorcycle named Killer because it has no brakes. Think potato cannons, paintball guns, turkey fryers, motorcycles (with brakes), and model rockets that deploy almost catchable eggs with a cash prize to the first person that either catches the egg or breaks a bone during an attempt. Most importantly, think about the kind of friends that you'd give a kidney to in a heartbeat without hesitation, even though you know they'd probably do something gross with it. That is sort of what ManCamp is all about.

Anyway, this visit’s adventures included hauling firewood through waist deep snow behind a monstrous draft horse, hauling gallons of maple sap to the maple syrup still, and hauling major ass in this sweet offroad racing game on the PS3. The horse is freaking huge, but he is generally pretty well mannered, and very rarely stomps people into mushy wet spots. They feed him steak, meatballs, and human growth hormone which is why he is so big. The guy you can barely see behind him is about 6'9" and 450 pounds, if that gives you any idea of the scale. This should give you some idea of the snow that remains in coastal southern Maine. In open area, it may only be a foot or so, but in the woods, it reaches three or four feet... In some spots you can almost walk on the surface, but then the next step you plunge in to knee deep or deeper. Given the ease with which Ike the Horse pulled that sled, I am pretty sure the HGH is working.

It was a great escape, even with a three and a half hour drive on each end, including a solid hour and a half dealing with Masshole drivers. I arrived home with the feeling that I’d been gone for days, when I’d really only been in state for about 40 hours total. I was eager to return to the bathroom renovation projects I had abandoned last week and to see my family again, and actually wasn't dreading the Monday morning return to work.

It is too hard to convey all that ManCamp represents, so instead, let me end today’s blog with one piece of road trip advice… it is best not to keep your pee-jug in the same cup holder as your drink. This is especially true if you happen to be drinking a tasty beverage in the same kind of bottle as your pee-jug. I was engrossed in the Howard Stern Show on satellite radio, and had the jug in hand with the top off when some unseen force guided my eyes downwards. ‘Twas not Diet Pepsi staring back at me, my friends. ‘Twas pee.

Divine Intervention saved me this afternoon, and kept me from the unspeakable. Miracles happen if you believe…