"There’s no link between diabetes and diet.
That’s a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

mad moto skills

Holy canoli... 1950's Italian Police Motorcycle Team

Friday, September 12, 2008

Welcome Back!

Crikey, that computer took a long time to reboot... now I'm no slave to technology, but it seems to me that waiting two and a half months for your computer to reboot is just too long. Anyway, just after that last post my laptop froze up and I had to reboot... while that was happening, summer happened and somehow it has been a long time since writing.

Why am I writing now, you ask? Simple, really. Fall arrived yesterday. I know this because I woke up at 4:30AM for no apparent reason with no hopes of sleeping again... that means summer is done, and it is time for my sleep disorders to kick back in. Again, this morning, here it is ungodly early and I am back at the computer.

Call it a summer vacation, I guess, assuming that you call two long weekends to be an adequate summer vacation. I call it "sucks to be a grown up", but hey, tomatoe, tomato, whatever.

So here's the quick update... I've been one busy dude these past months. I sold the old truck and two motorcycles, bought a new (to me) motorcycle, and bought out most of the local Home Depot. Summer projects included framing in a new TV room in the basement, building a new dog fence to reclaim several heavily contaminated dog poo zones, building a living room halfwall to reclaim the living room and dining room as dog free zones, knocking out a built in giant planter thing at the end of the driveway to make more room, poured a slab to fill in the resulting giant crater at the end of the driveway, dropped and chopped and split a few cord of firewood, and I'm partway done framing in the new screen porch.

Between non-stop projects and long weeks at work and the need to do all sorts of computer stuff to get the vehicles sold and the new vehicles bought after researching for many many hours, that didn't leave a whole lot of time for typing up snarky little stories.

So that is mostly why it has been a long freaking time since writing.


Rest assured, though, I've got plenty new stuff to say... I'm a bit backed up, so to speak. I've eaten too much mental cheese and the old brain dump highway is a bit constipated.

Rewind about 5 or 6 years... we were on vacation in SC, staying at wifey's mom's house in the uber fancy guest suite... picture a sort of a dark cool Bellagio-esqe room, impeccably decorated, furnished with fancy little trashcans that cost more than our bedroom set. Anyway, Kid 1.0 is just a baby at this point, and she all stopped up, hasn't poo'ed in days, and is running a fever as well. After days of a cheese and whitebread diet, Wifey get worried about her bowels and gives her some baby-laxative medicine, a bowl of raisins, and a big shot of prune juice into her formula. She waits 10 minutes, hands the kid to me, and then immediately leaves. Not leaves the room, she leaves the house. She leaves the town. She might have even crossed state lines.

Anyway, all is well for a few minutes, and then I hear the most unholy rumbling and gurgling from Baby 1.0's lower half, followed by olfactory notification that it was time for a new diaper. We head up to the bedroom, and I lay out hand towel to protect the bedspread. I open the diaper and see ... well, in the interest of avoiding too much detail, let's just say that Baby 1.0 was no longer stopped up. I cleaned the situation up, and was putting on a fresh diaper when she looked up at me, made a funny face, and then exploded from every orifice. We're talking sudden vast quantities, top & bottom, front & back, the whole deal. All in the middle of the fanciest guest room that one can imagine, with no help available within miles.

By the time wifey returned, I had used up full box of wipes, 4 more diapers, a full can of rug cleaner (no, not on the baby), and had 2 full baskets of laundry to do. Kid 1.0 was happy as could be now that she was purged.

That's the sort of brain dump I'm expecting, so stay tuned... and grab some of those computer wet-wipes, 'cause this might get messy...