"There’s no link between diabetes and diet.
That’s a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

New England Weather = Dyson Vacuum

You guessed it, New England weather really sucks. And unlike traditional vacuums, New England weather doesn't suck less if you have dogs... quite the opposite. You see, dog hair clogs a traditonal vacuum, thereby reducing the amount it sucks. New England weather actually sucks more as a result of dogs, be it wet dog hair, muddy footprints, or panting hot dog stink. Which is why I hereby recommend that everyone go buy a Dyson; based on the above-stated corrolary, I'm pretty sure that the increased Dyson ownership will somehow bring decent weather just a little bit sooner.

This is all of course related to the Coriolis effect, the physical property that was designed by toilet engineers back in the 1940's to help the water swirl down a toilet in a pretty manner. One common misconception is that Australian toilet engineers somehow reversed the Coriolis effect just to make the toilets go backwards... something about rebelling against the British for the whole Penal Colony thing. Anyway, that is totally untrue.

As it turns out, Australian toilet engineers used the regular old Coriolis effect in their first round of toilets, but quickly found that the swirling effect caused all boomerangs to fail. Rather than disrupt the entire boomerang based economy, they reverse engineered a backwards Coriolis effect, thereby restoring the boomerang flight, allowing the Australian economy to flourish, and giving Americans something to stare at in the loo. "Loo" is Australian for "toilet", just like "Fosters" is Australian for "crappy beer", and "shrimp on the barbie" is Australian for "stupid Americans doing bad accents".

So given all the scientifically valid information above, here's todays topic... I import an Australian Dyson, an Autralian toilet, and several boomerangs. If I simultaneously throw the boomerangs, flush the toilt, and turn on the vacuum, will all the boomerangs still wind up on the roof?

1 comment:

d said...

Awesome post, how'm'ever, the Dyson guys is British:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Dyson

I submit that perhaps the design of the Dyson is an attempt to increase the number of USA/Aussie trips (by men left alone) to the emergency room with a vacuum-related injury. Payback for the war(s)/toilet thing...