"There’s no link between diabetes and diet.
That’s a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Caffeine Withdrawal

I stopped by the methadone clinic in Hartford yesterday afternoon openly seeking... but apparently they don't consider caffeine withdrawal to be a significant medical event worthy of pseudo-opiates. Tell that to the 14 inch railroad spike that enters my skull just above my left eye and exits just below the helmet lump.

helmet lump: hel mut luh mp, from the Polish Helmutsky Lumpowiescz; refers to the little nub on the back of the skull that allows helmets and hats to stay on properly. In SAT format, ass is to tool belt as nose is to glasses and helmet lump is to helmets.

I've decided to quit the diet soda in hopes of shifting my metabolism to help with some weight loss. The latest diet misconception that I'm operating on is that the chemicals and artificial sweeteners in diet soda cause the body to store fat and crave sweets and salts, and that this is the cause for my elevated BMI. Others have suggested that said phenomenon may in fact be related to my lack of exercise and the vast amounts of food I cram down my pie hole, but I assure you that they are sorely mistaken.

1 comment:

d said...

You can do it!