"There’s no link between diabetes and diet.
That’s a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Friday, April 25, 2008

Just Plain Wrong

The woman in front of me at Subway today ordered a chicken teriyaki sub, which comes in a sauce of it's own. She then added cheese (melted), sweet onion sauce, chipotle sauce, and extra mayo. I'm pretty sure that if Subway offered a big bowl of gravy for sammich dipping, she would have gotten that too. Aside from being a henoius combination of flavors, what exactly is it that possesses people to abuse condiments in such a reckless manner? I'm not saying it should be illegal, I'm just saying that some things are JUST PLAIN WRONG.

Much in the same way that responsible drivers should be handed a stack of "hey, you're driving like an asshat" stickers to be distributed at will, I think that other responsible individuals should be given a whole stack of "Just Plain Wrong" cards for distribution in other situations. As an internationally reknowned individual who does everything pretty much perfectly, I'd be happy to spearhead this movement, provided I would report directly to the United Nations, and that I have a budget similar to that of national defense. And an office with one of those neat mesh high tech office chairs.

Coming soon, from the Department of Just Plain Wrong: two of the wrongest t-shirts I've ever seen, which I of course had to buy while on vacation in Orlando.

1 comment:

shamalam said...

In the just plain wrong category...

going at it in the back of a car at 3 in the afternoon in a parking lot 3 or feet from someone else's car or motorcycle... not just 1 "couple", but 2...

Oh, if only you were with us... as the purveyor of all things right... you could have set these folks on the straight and narrow...

By the way, this may not read as clear as necessary, I was not, nor was anyone I know involved in the getting it on at 3 in the afternoon in the parking lot... it is just that our modes of transportation were 3 feet away from said activities!