"There’s no link between diabetes and diet.
That’s a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Motorcycle junk for sale

So about a year ago I bought an old motorcycle, the 1987 version of the 2006 bike that I bought when I first got my license... After selling the 2006 version, I thought maybe I could fix up the old and have almost the same thing for much less money. Anyway, a year later, and I wasn't any closer to getting the thing on the road, so I decided to part it out, cover muy costs and make a few bucks. As I was writing the ad up, late late at night with not much sleep in my system, I started getting a bit slaphappy, and here is the ad that resulted. Skim through the first few, and watch the progression. Some of it is stupid, some of it is just goofy, but a few things in there made me laugh out loud... hope you enjoy. (abridged)

I've got a bunch of parts here that all need to go... I will happily combine shipping, or buy a couple items and I'll ship it free. Need something else, just ask... Keep in mind that with the new postal rates, you pretty much can't ship squat for under $10... gone are the days of $5 priority mail packages...

If you feel my prices are too low, feel free to offer more. If you feel my prices are too high, check eBay and make an offer. All prices are in US currency, and I take payPal at brianholdt@hotmail.com, cash, money orders, and offers of millions in escrow via Nigerian banks. Here goes...

Radiator, bent, scratched, dented, rusty, and ugly, but working. $20 shipped. Hoses available too if you want them for $3 extra in shipping. Put this one on just before a crash so your pretty new radiator doesn't get munched.

Clutch lever, cable, and cable end thingamabob. Clutch ball is artfully ground flat in one spot as if it scraped along the pavement at high speed for a few dozen feet (as if...). Instant credibility at no extra cost. $25 shipped

Front brake lever, brake line, and caliper, pads are probably pretty worn, brake fluid not included since I spilled most of it on my new running shoes. $55 shipped

Throttle assembly, cable, and carb plate. Throttle feels sluggish and not snappy, and throttle tube has a crack in the end, but it worked when pulled from the bike. Rubber sleeves are a bit chewed, but not by me. $33 shipped. Vroom vroom.

Right side controls: kills switch, start button, mirror mount. $30 shipped. Big scratch in dining room table from daughter's science fair project not included.

Big white water bottle thing with metal handle. Tastes terrible. I think it is called a camelback, but the hose is too short to reach my mouth, so I took it off. $24 shipped.

Odometer. 10,XXX miles on it, but it rides like new. Oil changed every 2,000 miles, and generates extra 27 horsepower. This thing would look stellar on your mantle. $100 shipped.

Rear rack, stock, perfect for bolting a milkcrate to. Will fit all 87-07 KLRs and almost every BMW GS series, as long as you use enough nails. $35 shipped cause it is heavy.

A second view of the rack, showing where the nails go for GS installation.

Windshield, stock, guaranteed to block 7% of the wind and direct 85% of the bugs onto your helmet. $22 shipped. Big fat thumb not included, nor is the crappy woodpile.

Supertrapp exhaust... designed to melt plastic, from what I hear. Sounds like there is something loose rattling inside, but I didn't open it up to investigate. Has some junk melted to it in a few small spots, and a few scratch marks where some bonehead tried to scrape off the melted stuff. $50 shipped?

The end looks like this... I think it only has three bolts because loud pipes save lives, but I'm not entirely sure.

This is my old truck. I sold it a few months ago, but check out that interior... not for sale, but seriously, check out that red on red hotness. 1990 f-150 XLT Lariat... seats 8, but not a single cupholder to be found... Even the headliner was red. Think about how many wild velours they had to kill to make that truck...

Passenger pegs and brackets... there is nothing funny about passenger pegs and brackets, so quit looking for a joke. Just send me $33 and I'll mail them to you so you can see for yourself how unfunny these things are. That left one looks rusty but it is really just dirty.

CDI unit and bracket. I don't even know what this fucking thing is. eBay seems to think that it is worth $150 to $200, but I think most eBay sellers are a bunch of greedy bastards, so how about $110 shipped? $10 discount if you can tell me what it is and why I'd want one. $15 discount if you can do so in haiku. $20 discount if you do so in a series of haikus that not only explains the meaning but also involves me slaying dragons and winning the hot princess...

Blue KLR seat, rip in nose, needs to be recovered or repaired, but the pan is in fine shape... which means that the pan is just as painful as every other KLR seat pan. Why mess up your clean and pretty stock seat when you could experiment on this blue bastard? $55 shipped.

That is it for now. PM me if you are interested...


krista said...

"$10 discount if you can tell me what it is and why I'd want one. $15 discount if you can do so in haiku. $20 discount if you do so in a series of haikus that not only explains the meaning but also involves me slaying dragons and winning the hot princess..."


shamalam said...

I seriously hope you are happy for all the wild velours who had to loose their lives for your truck!!

Thanks for the laughs!

Emilio said...

Great post! Hope you make lots of money selling MotoJunk so that you can buy me something nice.