"There’s no link between diabetes and diet.
That’s a white myth, Ken, like Larry Bird or Colorado."
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Several Things that Terrify Me

1) Sketchy CraigsList ads:

looking for a docotor - $100 (meriden)
Reply to: sale-672335293@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-07, 10:18PM EDT

Private person needs a Doctor for a private job will pay $100.00 for a 15 minute job. If the job takes a 2nd appointment will pay an additional $100.00 cash prefer a Cardiologist but will take a General Practitioner. Interns on last year rounds ok to apply would like to have job done this weekend

2) Sketchy Foreign TV shows:



3) Those squeaky cotton balls jammed into the top of pill bottles, fingernails on chalk boards, and the occasional really dry squeaky Colorado Front Range snow. (All three activate the same fear node, so they are technically the same thing.

4) White food, including cream cheese, cottage cheese, sour cream, yogurt, and all white salad dressings, including but not limited to ranch and blue cheese dressing, but strangely enough not including mayonaisse, mozzarella cheese, or ice cream. (don't bother trying to figure out the pattern... modern science and several neurotic friends have spent years diagnosing this issue...)



4 comments:

shamalam said...

you forgot blue cheese....

Brian said...

Thanks for pointing that out... ranch and blue cheese dressing are so horrifying that I often block them out of my mind. Post edited accordingly.

d said...

You left out "We've got a bleeder."

krista said...

Augh! Cotton balls FREAK me OUT. In the same vein, I practically break out in a sweat when someone has chalk dust all over their hands. *heebiejeebies*