Justice Served, Story at noon

That's right sports fans, the charges against my two "vicious" therapy dogs were dropped this morning in court. I'm not sure if it was the pictures of the dogs in full therapy mode surrounded by a pile of special education kids, the fact that the charges were bullshit, or the fact that I didn't show up to court wearing pajamas like most of the other folks. Maybe it was my typed notes, letters of evidence, and pictures. I was going to write notes on the back of a Limp Bizkit CD like the guy in the Domino's Pizza jacket, or on the back of a McDonald's receipt like the dude in the mohawk, but I decided to be slightly less sketchy instead. Regardless, the $350 ticket was dismissed, and my charming wee beasties will live to chomp another shittzu another day.

It was interesting to see what legally complex questions would be asked by the State's prosecuting attorney... I was sure she would ponder the legal remifications of the precedent established in Lee Galdood vs. the State of Connecticut, 1987, but instead she asked questions about how much Saint Bernards eat, do they drool much, and why would anyone choose to have such huge dogs.

The best part of the morning came when she read the police report, and said the following:

It says here that your dog had the Shitzu's head completely in his mouth...
is that dangerous? I mean, couldn't the Shitzu have suffocated?

Ah, indeed, that is the question. To be or not to be was really just the abbreviated version. Shakespeare was really asking "to be suffocated, as if in the mouth of a Saint Bernard, or not to be be suffocated in the mouth of a Saint Bernard, that is the question." Apparently the true meaning was lost in the translation from Shakespeare's original words.

Speaking of Lost in Translation, that movie sucked. How collosally bad does a movie have to be to make Scarlett Johansen unwatchable? I'd watch her do laundry for fuck's sake. Mattter of fact, I found Match Point to be utterly unwatchable as well, but that is probably tied to Woody Allen, who is just slightly more annoying than that whiny little Schnauzer bitch from last night...

Here's the wrap-up:
Going to Court: just slightly sketchy... more nerve-wracking than sketchy, really.
The other people at court: about and 8 out of 10 on the SketchoMeter.
Woody Allen movies: not sketchy at all. Nothing that mind-numbingly boring can be at all sketchy, unless you consider the possible ramifications of falling asleep while you happen to be driving a big rig loaded with explosives at the time... and even then, the dull dialogue counteracts the situational risks, leaving one with an overall sketch-factor akin to riding an escalator with an untied sneaker.