Holy canoli... 1950's Italian Police Motorcycle Team
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Welcome Back!
Crikey, that computer took a long time to reboot... now I'm no slave to technology, but it seems to me that waiting two and a half months for your computer to reboot is just too long. Anyway, just after that last post my laptop froze up and I had to reboot... while that was happening, summer happened and somehow it has been a long time since writing.
Why am I writing now, you ask? Simple, really. Fall arrived yesterday. I know this because I woke up at 4:30AM for no apparent reason with no hopes of sleeping again... that means summer is done, and it is time for my sleep disorders to kick back in. Again, this morning, here it is ungodly early and I am back at the computer.
Call it a summer vacation, I guess, assuming that you call two long weekends to be an adequate summer vacation. I call it "sucks to be a grown up", but hey, tomatoe, tomato, whatever.
So here's the quick update... I've been one busy dude these past months. I sold the old truck and two motorcycles, bought a new (to me) motorcycle, and bought out most of the local Home Depot. Summer projects included framing in a new TV room in the basement, building a new dog fence to reclaim several heavily contaminated dog poo zones, building a living room halfwall to reclaim the living room and dining room as dog free zones, knocking out a built in giant planter thing at the end of the driveway to make more room, poured a slab to fill in the resulting giant crater at the end of the driveway, dropped and chopped and split a few cord of firewood, and I'm partway done framing in the new screen porch.
Between non-stop projects and long weeks at work and the need to do all sorts of computer stuff to get the vehicles sold and the new vehicles bought after researching for many many hours, that didn't leave a whole lot of time for typing up snarky little stories.
So that is mostly why it has been a long freaking time since writing.
Sorry.
Rest assured, though, I've got plenty new stuff to say... I'm a bit backed up, so to speak. I've eaten too much mental cheese and the old brain dump highway is a bit constipated.
Rewind about 5 or 6 years... we were on vacation in SC, staying at wifey's mom's house in the uber fancy guest suite... picture a sort of a dark cool Bellagio-esqe room, impeccably decorated, furnished with fancy little trashcans that cost more than our bedroom set. Anyway, Kid 1.0 is just a baby at this point, and she all stopped up, hasn't poo'ed in days, and is running a fever as well. After days of a cheese and whitebread diet, Wifey get worried about her bowels and gives her some baby-laxative medicine, a bowl of raisins, and a big shot of prune juice into her formula. She waits 10 minutes, hands the kid to me, and then immediately leaves. Not leaves the room, she leaves the house. She leaves the town. She might have even crossed state lines.
Anyway, all is well for a few minutes, and then I hear the most unholy rumbling and gurgling from Baby 1.0's lower half, followed by olfactory notification that it was time for a new diaper. We head up to the bedroom, and I lay out hand towel to protect the bedspread. I open the diaper and see ... well, in the interest of avoiding too much detail, let's just say that Baby 1.0 was no longer stopped up. I cleaned the situation up, and was putting on a fresh diaper when she looked up at me, made a funny face, and then exploded from every orifice. We're talking sudden vast quantities, top & bottom, front & back, the whole deal. All in the middle of the fanciest guest room that one can imagine, with no help available within miles.
By the time wifey returned, I had used up full box of wipes, 4 more diapers, a full can of rug cleaner (no, not on the baby), and had 2 full baskets of laundry to do. Kid 1.0 was happy as could be now that she was purged.
That's the sort of brain dump I'm expecting, so stay tuned... and grab some of those computer wet-wipes, 'cause this might get messy...
Why am I writing now, you ask? Simple, really. Fall arrived yesterday. I know this because I woke up at 4:30AM for no apparent reason with no hopes of sleeping again... that means summer is done, and it is time for my sleep disorders to kick back in. Again, this morning, here it is ungodly early and I am back at the computer.
Call it a summer vacation, I guess, assuming that you call two long weekends to be an adequate summer vacation. I call it "sucks to be a grown up", but hey, tomatoe, tomato, whatever.
So here's the quick update... I've been one busy dude these past months. I sold the old truck and two motorcycles, bought a new (to me) motorcycle, and bought out most of the local Home Depot. Summer projects included framing in a new TV room in the basement, building a new dog fence to reclaim several heavily contaminated dog poo zones, building a living room halfwall to reclaim the living room and dining room as dog free zones, knocking out a built in giant planter thing at the end of the driveway to make more room, poured a slab to fill in the resulting giant crater at the end of the driveway, dropped and chopped and split a few cord of firewood, and I'm partway done framing in the new screen porch.
Between non-stop projects and long weeks at work and the need to do all sorts of computer stuff to get the vehicles sold and the new vehicles bought after researching for many many hours, that didn't leave a whole lot of time for typing up snarky little stories.
So that is mostly why it has been a long freaking time since writing.
Sorry.
Rest assured, though, I've got plenty new stuff to say... I'm a bit backed up, so to speak. I've eaten too much mental cheese and the old brain dump highway is a bit constipated.
Rewind about 5 or 6 years... we were on vacation in SC, staying at wifey's mom's house in the uber fancy guest suite... picture a sort of a dark cool Bellagio-esqe room, impeccably decorated, furnished with fancy little trashcans that cost more than our bedroom set. Anyway, Kid 1.0 is just a baby at this point, and she all stopped up, hasn't poo'ed in days, and is running a fever as well. After days of a cheese and whitebread diet, Wifey get worried about her bowels and gives her some baby-laxative medicine, a bowl of raisins, and a big shot of prune juice into her formula. She waits 10 minutes, hands the kid to me, and then immediately leaves. Not leaves the room, she leaves the house. She leaves the town. She might have even crossed state lines.
Anyway, all is well for a few minutes, and then I hear the most unholy rumbling and gurgling from Baby 1.0's lower half, followed by olfactory notification that it was time for a new diaper. We head up to the bedroom, and I lay out hand towel to protect the bedspread. I open the diaper and see ... well, in the interest of avoiding too much detail, let's just say that Baby 1.0 was no longer stopped up. I cleaned the situation up, and was putting on a fresh diaper when she looked up at me, made a funny face, and then exploded from every orifice. We're talking sudden vast quantities, top & bottom, front & back, the whole deal. All in the middle of the fanciest guest room that one can imagine, with no help available within miles.
By the time wifey returned, I had used up full box of wipes, 4 more diapers, a full can of rug cleaner (no, not on the baby), and had 2 full baskets of laundry to do. Kid 1.0 was happy as could be now that she was purged.
That's the sort of brain dump I'm expecting, so stay tuned... and grab some of those computer wet-wipes, 'cause this might get messy...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Why yes, in fact, I am ready to rock.
80's mullet? Check.Sunglasses with Croakies? Check.
Sipping a Pepsi? Check.
Ready to rock? Check.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Happy Freaking Birthday
That's right sports fans, I return to blogging on this, my 33rd birthday. I'm sorry for the delay in posting... It was a rough end to May, a rough start to June, and the Father's Day/birthday one two punch has not been too terrifically swell either. May: Wifey got a severe headache on May 24th which lasted for 6 days, 5 missed work days, 3 narcotic prescriptions, 2 PCP office visits, 2 cat scans, one MRI, 1 neurosurgeon, on neurologist, and one 12-hour ER visit before finally starting to go away. The good news is that nothing serious is wrong. The bad news is that they still don't know exactly what caused it or why she still has a low grade headache. The other bad news is that judging from my expert review of her MRI, it appears that my wife has several famous aliens in her brain. Go ahead and even try to tell me I'm wrong:
Exhibit 1: Darth Vader
Exhibit 2: Admiral Ackbar
Exhibit 3: The Predator
June: Early June was largely consumed by a nasty heatwave and wifey recovering from the severe headache and trying to get rid of the lesser headache. And no, don't you go calling it a migraine, or all doctors and nurses within a 12 mile radius will immediately get their panties in a big wad because there is apparently a clinical variance between migraine symptoms and that of severe head pain that makes one stop eating and lie flat in a dark room for 6 days.
June 15th/16th, Father's Day and my 33rd birthday has thus far been overshadowed by my first real car accident. No injuries, thankfully, but the Honda Element was crunched up pretty good and had to be wheeled off on a stretcher. We were headed home from our season ending lacrosse game... have I mentioned that I've been coaching my daughter's 1st and 2nd grade girls lacrosse team? Anyway, I was pulling out of a parking lot onto a busy three lane each way road near the Farmington mall. I don't know what happened but all of a sudden there was shiny black Jetta lodged in my front left quarter panel. Never saw the dude, not sure if he was speeding or swerved into the lane or popped out of a wormhole or what... there is even the tiniest of possibilities that I just didn't see him, but I think the supernatural is far more likely.
Long story short: $1000 deductible, Brian is on a motorcycle for the week, and today's forecast is strong thunderstorms with high winds and large hail likely. I feel like I got hit by William "the Fridge" Perry, and now I need to go help a coworker move his office. Awesome. Can't wait to see what the rest of the day holds... Happy Birthday big B...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Long Delay due to Nausea
Sorry for the long delay in posting. An overcast but bright day in the field last week without sunglasses combined with a computer intensive week, all served up hot under some new ultra high intensity fluorescent tubes directly above my head has left me with a significant case of eye strain. I didn't realize how bright those tubes were, or I would have strapped a couple of these oatmeal can eclipse viewers to my skull before entering the building. Anyway, when I get eye strain, I tend to be nauseated and headachey around the clock, so I've tried to avoid any extra computer hours in my life these past days at almost any cost.
After many an angry email about the lack of updates, I have decided to bravely choke back the actual vomit and spew forth some blog-vomit for your reading pleasure...
First off, in trying to find an appropriate picture to convey just how freaking bright these new fluorescent bulbs are, I did an image search on "burned retinas". It turns out that only a few google image results for this search are actually about bright things, while the majority are from people blogging about things that they have seen that are so horrifying so as to burn the image onto their retinas forever. Most aren't really appropriate, but here is one for your viewing pleasure:
You're welcome.It is time to end this post as the fuzzy orange haze is starting to creep back into the edges of my vision... more coming as soon as I stop heaving... BH
Friday, May 9, 2008
8 things about me (that might terrify you)
So my friend Shamalam asked me to participate in this blogger thing called Crazy Eights where you share eight unusual or little known facts about myself. Spouting such things on the internet is sorta like having a million strangers rifling through your underwear drawer, but luckily, I can trust all three people that read my blog. Fair enough, here goes.
1) I have never, ever, in my whole life chewed a piece of gum. Seriously. This is due to a childhood fear of choking coupled with a gross gum-chomping sister. She's not so gross anymore (hi K!), but I still won't eat gum. Over time this has also manifested into a hatred of gum... if I step on a piece on a hot summer day, I am quite literally ready to hunt down the gum-dropper and beat them senseless after I clean my shoe off on their face.
2) I prefer to eat pizza with the cheese removed, again due to the childhood choking on stringy melted cheese thing. Rip that cheese off, throw some Parmesan on the remaining saucy bread, and eat it alternating with the cheese/toppings via fork. I don't do this in public because a scary looking 6'4" 285 pound man has no business eating like a toddler out in the open, but if I'm home alone, I grab me a fork and say "hello, Parmesan!".
3) I think Facebook might be the creepiest thing ever. It is sometimes sorta neat to track down people from the past, but inevitably it results in an awkward standoff where no one knows how far to take things... it is like a high school reunion but in small email doses, where everyone ends up nodding their head in cyberspace saying, "yeah, cool, sounds great... um...yeah." It is also really creepy for a grown-ass man to email some other grown ass man and ask him "wanna be friends?"
4) I hate cats. But I think I covered that before... ah yes, I did, in A Disturbing Revelation ...
5) Despite my reputation as an all around nice guy/teddybear/swell dude, sometimes I am a total prick. I don't mean to be, but sometimes I am. Like sometimes I'll talk a little shit about people behind their back. I always feel bad about it, but I still do it. I've tried to counteract this by being an asshole right out in the open, and I think it might be working.
Like today, this dude at work told a really dumb joke, and instead of fake laughing, I just looked at him, smiled, and said "dude, you're a jackass", and went back to work. I felt really good about myself after that. I think being an asshole is making me a better person.
(NOTE 1: Talking about coworkers like this guy and the One-up-ya guy is a prime example of the fact that I'm an asshole... but assholes need to let off a little hot air now and then too, even if it is a stinky habit.) (pause... wait for it... now go ahead, laugh at my fart joke.)
6) I have a documented memory disorder. I was tested in middle school because I would get great grades on most things but was just unable to memorize things. It would have been a learning disability but in order to qualify, it had to be paired with another diagnosed weakness. Everything else was pretty good, but my memory is really crappy. It was a pain in the ass throughout school, and was totally apparent in all my grades. Thinking, writing, and doing classes were b's and a's, while the "look at a squiggly under a microscope and write down 10 characteristics of that subphylla" class was a D-.
Despite this memory problem I have amazing recall for totally useless information, and I really kick-ass at Trivial Pursuit. I somehow remember that they made less than 30,000 of the CJ-8 "Scrambler" Jeeps, yet I have no idea why World War I was started. Something about the assassination of some Serbian dude named Franz Ferdinand, but that is it. My mom is a history teacher, and if she knew this she would cry. Don't tell her.
The worst part is that people ask me about the testing and whether I have short term or long term memory problems, and I just don't remember. It would be a bad joke if it weren't true.
7) I have spooky-good visual discrimination. I can't really do it like a party trick, but if someone is doing a word search, I can glance at it upside-down out of the corner of my eye from 5 feet away and see the words. They just pop out at me.
In grad school, we did this forestry lab where we had to measure a 10-acre forest plot using a compass and a chain. The method was for one person to walk in a straight line along a compass bearing (directed by another to keep a straight path), and then the third would walk from person A to person B measuring out the 166 feet (one chain), or the length of a side of a square acre. I was the runner guy... I'd head in a direction, jumping logs, dodging prickers, skirting swamps, and line myself up at what I thought was the right distance. The C person then measured the straight line (carrying the dumb end of the tape measure), and time after time, the person stopped within arm's length of me. I can also eyeball small distances and visualize things remarkably well too.
8) I've confronted many of my fears and won.
10) I like to eat my food evenly. Near the end of the meal, I should have one bite of each item left, and enough drink to wash it down. This is an unconscious pattern that I catch myself doing sometimes and it freaks me out a little. I do it with fast food(bite of burger, a few fries, maybe a single chicken nugget), I do it with pizza (bite of crust, bite of middle, just the right amount iof topping left), I do it with desserts (always maintain the cake to frosting ratio), and I even do it at Thanksgiving... exhausting, that meal is...
There are some exceptions, like I will sometimes eat all of an item first, especially if it is something I don't particularly like... veggies go first when mom's watching just to relieve the pressure, or hot bread out of the oven goes down the hatch fast, but more often than not, I am left with equal parts on the plate.
11) Sometimes I get really distracted, and take things way too far... I realize that my 10 minute email check has turned into two or three hours, or my Sunday night quick project turns into a major room renovation. Sometimes I even lose track of myself and realize that it is 1:31AM, I'm exhausted, and I've just finished item #11 on an 8 revelations list.
1) I have never, ever, in my whole life chewed a piece of gum. Seriously. This is due to a childhood fear of choking coupled with a gross gum-chomping sister. She's not so gross anymore (hi K!), but I still won't eat gum. Over time this has also manifested into a hatred of gum... if I step on a piece on a hot summer day, I am quite literally ready to hunt down the gum-dropper and beat them senseless after I clean my shoe off on their face.
2) I prefer to eat pizza with the cheese removed, again due to the childhood choking on stringy melted cheese thing. Rip that cheese off, throw some Parmesan on the remaining saucy bread, and eat it alternating with the cheese/toppings via fork. I don't do this in public because a scary looking 6'4" 285 pound man has no business eating like a toddler out in the open, but if I'm home alone, I grab me a fork and say "hello, Parmesan!".
3) I think Facebook might be the creepiest thing ever. It is sometimes sorta neat to track down people from the past, but inevitably it results in an awkward standoff where no one knows how far to take things... it is like a high school reunion but in small email doses, where everyone ends up nodding their head in cyberspace saying, "yeah, cool, sounds great... um...yeah." It is also really creepy for a grown-ass man to email some other grown ass man and ask him "wanna be friends?"
4) I hate cats. But I think I covered that before... ah yes, I did, in A Disturbing Revelation ...
5) Despite my reputation as an all around nice guy/teddybear/swell dude, sometimes I am a total prick. I don't mean to be, but sometimes I am. Like sometimes I'll talk a little shit about people behind their back. I always feel bad about it, but I still do it. I've tried to counteract this by being an asshole right out in the open, and I think it might be working.
Like today, this dude at work told a really dumb joke, and instead of fake laughing, I just looked at him, smiled, and said "dude, you're a jackass", and went back to work. I felt really good about myself after that. I think being an asshole is making me a better person.
(NOTE 1: Talking about coworkers like this guy and the One-up-ya guy is a prime example of the fact that I'm an asshole... but assholes need to let off a little hot air now and then too, even if it is a stinky habit.) (pause... wait for it... now go ahead, laugh at my fart joke.)
6) I have a documented memory disorder. I was tested in middle school because I would get great grades on most things but was just unable to memorize things. It would have been a learning disability but in order to qualify, it had to be paired with another diagnosed weakness. Everything else was pretty good, but my memory is really crappy. It was a pain in the ass throughout school, and was totally apparent in all my grades. Thinking, writing, and doing classes were b's and a's, while the "look at a squiggly under a microscope and write down 10 characteristics of that subphylla" class was a D-.
Despite this memory problem I have amazing recall for totally useless information, and I really kick-ass at Trivial Pursuit. I somehow remember that they made less than 30,000 of the CJ-8 "Scrambler" Jeeps, yet I have no idea why World War I was started. Something about the assassination of some Serbian dude named Franz Ferdinand, but that is it. My mom is a history teacher, and if she knew this she would cry. Don't tell her.
The worst part is that people ask me about the testing and whether I have short term or long term memory problems, and I just don't remember. It would be a bad joke if it weren't true.
7) I have spooky-good visual discrimination. I can't really do it like a party trick, but if someone is doing a word search, I can glance at it upside-down out of the corner of my eye from 5 feet away and see the words. They just pop out at me.
In grad school, we did this forestry lab where we had to measure a 10-acre forest plot using a compass and a chain. The method was for one person to walk in a straight line along a compass bearing (directed by another to keep a straight path), and then the third would walk from person A to person B measuring out the 166 feet (one chain), or the length of a side of a square acre. I was the runner guy... I'd head in a direction, jumping logs, dodging prickers, skirting swamps, and line myself up at what I thought was the right distance. The C person then measured the straight line (carrying the dumb end of the tape measure), and time after time, the person stopped within arm's length of me. I can also eyeball small distances and visualize things remarkably well too.
8) I've confronted many of my fears and won.
- I was really afraid of heights, so I started rock climbing.
- I was afraid of needles and blood so I started donating blood regularly.
- I was incredibly queasy about childbirth so I started watching ER regularly and made it through a 33-hour labor and C-section without hesitation.
- I grew up next door to a man who lost an arm in a motorcycle wreck so I started motorcycling.
- I was deathly afraid of medical procedures, especially lower abdominal/groin area procedures, so I ignored a muscle tear that I thought was a hernia, and lived in pretty significant pain for 18 months. I've mostly fixed the muscle tear, and have developed a brilliant coping mechanism for dealing with medical fears. It is called a vaso-vagal reaction, and it involves getting dizzy, sweating profusely, and losing vision, followed by loss of consciousness.
10) I like to eat my food evenly. Near the end of the meal, I should have one bite of each item left, and enough drink to wash it down. This is an unconscious pattern that I catch myself doing sometimes and it freaks me out a little. I do it with fast food(bite of burger, a few fries, maybe a single chicken nugget), I do it with pizza (bite of crust, bite of middle, just the right amount iof topping left), I do it with desserts (always maintain the cake to frosting ratio), and I even do it at Thanksgiving... exhausting, that meal is...
There are some exceptions, like I will sometimes eat all of an item first, especially if it is something I don't particularly like... veggies go first when mom's watching just to relieve the pressure, or hot bread out of the oven goes down the hatch fast, but more often than not, I am left with equal parts on the plate.
11) Sometimes I get really distracted, and take things way too far... I realize that my 10 minute email check has turned into two or three hours, or my Sunday night quick project turns into a major room renovation. Sometimes I even lose track of myself and realize that it is 1:31AM, I'm exhausted, and I've just finished item #11 on an 8 revelations list.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Several Things that Terrify Me
1) Sketchy CraigsList ads:
Date: 2008-05-07, 10:18PM EDT
Date: 2008-05-07, 10:18PM EDT
Private person needs a Doctor for a private job will pay $100.00 for a 15 minute job. If the job takes a 2nd appointment will pay an additional $100.00 cash prefer a Cardiologist but will take a General Practitioner. Interns on last year rounds ok to apply would like to have job done this weekend
2) Sketchy Foreign TV shows:
3) Those squeaky cotton balls jammed into the top of pill bottles, fi
ngernails on chalk boards, and the occasional really dry squeaky Colorado Front Range snow. (All three activate the same fear node, so they are technically the same thing.
4) White food, including cream cheese, cottage cheese, sour cream, yogurt, and all white salad dressings, including but not limited to ranch and blue cheese dressing, but strangely enough not including mayonaisse, mozzarella cheese, or ice cream. (don't bother trying to figure out the pattern... modern science and several neurotic friends have spent years diagnosing this issue...)
2) Sketchy Foreign TV shows:
3) Those squeaky cotton balls jammed into the top of pill bottles, fi
ngernails on chalk boards, and the occasional really dry squeaky Colorado Front Range snow. (All three activate the same fear node, so they are technically the same thing.4) White food, including cream cheese, cottage cheese, sour cream, yogurt, and all white salad dressings, including but not limited to ranch and blue cheese dressing, but strangely enough not including mayonaisse, mozzarella cheese, or ice cream. (don't bother trying to figure out the pattern... modern science and several neurotic friends have spent years diagnosing this issue...)
Don't Buy This House
I conducted an environmental site inspection yesterday on a property in beautiful Bridgeport, Connecticut yesterday. Apparently they want to tear the existing house, shed, and garage down to build some old folk dorms (aka a 55-plus active adult community). Aside from the fact that every feature of the house was some combination of ugly, broken, stained, unsafe, smelly, and/or straight-up illegal, the place was really quite charming. Oh, and the location was crappy too.
But what really stood out was the basement... it was a typical site inspection basement, meaning that the basement was unlit and supremely sketchy. As expected, there was some light trickling in through a filthy cracked window, but most areas were pretty dark. I navigated only by the flash of the digital camera, a la Jodie Foster as she blasts a few rounds into Monk's boss. As I peered into the dark, I wasn't sure what I'd see... 
Aside from the illegal dumping piles, the walnut panelling, the wet floors, the incredibly contaminated dry cleaners next door, and the big oil stains everywhere, there was one feature that really stood out for me. No, not the "how to create a guaranteed electrical fire" of a circuit panel, above that. Instead of regular floor joints, these jokers used nearly whole trees, and the didn't even bother stripping the bark off. I might expect this at, say, Abraham Lincoln's log cabin, but in a 1940's colonial in a city, it struck me as odd. Much as I hate to see classic old architecture destroyed to make way for cookie-cutter developments that spring up overnight, I'm feeling like the best way to renovate this house is with the business end of a wrecking ball. 
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
80MPH Pollen Injection
So I headed south to my mom's house tonight after work to spend a few extra hours on the bathroom remodel that I'm doing for her. It was a pretty uneventful ride, except that my face was getting blasted by the wind pretty significantly. You see, a few days ago my helmet rolled off the moto seat, hit the pavement, and cracked the shield. I ordered up replacement parts, but until they arrive, I have to ride with no shield on the helmet. The shield-less helmet tends to funnel the wind into the helmet more so than under normal conditions, so I looked sort of like this as a screamed down I-91:
The good news was that my sunglasses kept my eyes relatively wind-free. On the way home, however, I had to switch to my regular glasses, which left me eyes much more exposed... so on that ride I looked more like this: 
Anyway, as I rode along with my lips flapping in the wind and my eyes tearing up enough to make me severely dehydrated, I realized two things:
So Mr Toilet Expert, says you, what sort of toilet is the kick-assing-ests toilet on the block? Well, sportsfans, I'm glad you asked. The Niagara Flapperless toilets are pretty freaking sweet from a design perspective... ecologically friendly for the low water usage, low maintenance because the system has no flappers to wear out, and it flushes well too. Plus they are pretty reasonable priced at about $120 for the bowl and tank. Click here to watch an incredibly boring video I found that shows the tipping bucket technology. It is about a minute long, and crikey, it's boring. Enjoy!
The good news was that my sunglasses kept my eyes relatively wind-free. On the way home, however, I had to switch to my regular glasses, which left me eyes much more exposed... so on that ride I looked more like this: 
Anyway, as I rode along with my lips flapping in the wind and my eyes tearing up enough to make me severely dehydrated, I realized two things:- The open-faced helmet combined with the highway speeds created what was essentially a giant pollen funnel, shooting enormous quantities of allergens directly into my system. I was essentially mainlining grass spores, smoking ragweed out of a three-footer, or snorting dustmites off a mirror through a twenty dollar bill. Good stuff... gonna breathe real well tomorrow.
- With tonight's toilet installation, I realized that the number of new toilet installations I've completed within the last year or so is up to six. That is far too many toilets for a single year. That is probably more toilets than most people install in a lifetime. That's two bathroom remodels for Ma and three in my house during renovations...
So Mr Toilet Expert, says you, what sort of toilet is the kick-assing-ests toilet on the block? Well, sportsfans, I'm glad you asked. The Niagara Flapperless toilets are pretty freaking sweet from a design perspective... ecologically friendly for the low water usage, low maintenance because the system has no flappers to wear out, and it flushes well too. Plus they are pretty reasonable priced at about $120 for the bowl and tank. Click here to watch an incredibly boring video I found that shows the tipping bucket technology. It is about a minute long, and crikey, it's boring. Enjoy!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Soul Conservation
According to a town zoning document I am reviewing, apparently the Litchfield County Soil Survey, in conjuction with the US Department of Agriculture, has a Soul Conservation Service.
What ever happened to the separation of church and state?
What ever happened to the separation of church and state?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Yet Another Wacky Idea
So it is 5 in the morning, and I've been up for an hour already. No one else is up except Eddie the dog, and he is clearly not interested in discussing my latest business plan. I tried to talk about it last night with my personal business guru Tree who is never afraid to say "wow, terrible idea Brian" when required, but he wasn't home, so I just left a message insisting that he immediately wire me the full funds required to start this up... I haven't seen the funds yet, and no one is awake, so listen up, folks:
The engineering company where I work bought a new building about a year ago. We take up the top floor, have a steady renter in one bottom half, and another renter in the other bottom half who is about to move out. We plan on taking over a good part of that area for the new environmental area, including an office for me, as in a non-cubicle work area with walls, a ceiling, and a door... best of all, it is far away from the bathroom. That will leave one or two small rooms and the rear warehouse area available for rent. We had a company anniversary picnic yesterday at lunch, and since it was raining, we set up the grill in the mostly empty warehouse area. Now I had been in there before, many times, but all of a sudden, standing there with a cheeseburger in hand, I saw it... the warehouse area is a nearly perfect location for a commercial climbing gym.
It was a weird moment, not quite a vision, but a slow awakening as I tossed that cheeseburger down my gullet . I immediately saw the two main walls covered in holds and
roped up, but as I looked around, the other areas became clear... office area there, bouldering cave there in the cage area, storage/changing area up on top if the cage there, rental desk there, freestanding tower area there... There's a big garage door over there to open in nice weather, and huge skylights above for additional natural light. It has 24' ceilings, a decent height for top-roping courses. The location is awesome too... less than a mile from a major highway, and located on a side road/business park road past the indoor soccer arena but not quite to the health and fitness club. There isn't a ton of parking, but most indoor climbing gyms are open strange hours anyway... 5PM to 10PM during the week is common, perfect for sharing the lot with a 8 to 5 business.
Anyway, here's some pictures of the site:
The big open walls would be great for roped full height areas, while the cage area would make a great bouldering cave. Other bouldering areas could wrap around the shorter walls, and a full height roped spire would balance out the other corner. Lockers and changing benches could be on top of the cave, and the office and bathrooms are in that room under the heating ducts.
My town is pretty wealthy(except for me) and pretty active(ditto), so I'm sure the place would attract a bunch of people... heck, in a town where there are a dozen kindergarten soccer teams, 1st graders can play lacrosse, and soccer is an organized religion, you know that jamming the kids into activities is almost mandatory. Most of the girls on the 1st and 2nd grade lacrosse team that I'm coaching this season are also playing soccer, gymnastics, and/or swimming... There is a great huge climbing gym 30 minutes south of me where I climbed a lot in high school, and a pretty small gym about 20 minutes from the location up near the mall, but I think this town could easily support another...
Since leaving Boulder, I've always wanted to build a climbing wall in my house or garage, but just never got around to it... and I've always wanted to run my own business... and this location just seems nearly perfect. I really like my current job, and want to stay there, but this seems like (once it is up and running) something that could be managed as a part-time venture (with lots of help, obviously)... and this, my friends, is why I was wide awake at 4 in the morning on a Saturday. Sorry to bore you with a not funny post, but I needed the brain dump.
The engineering company where I work bought a new building about a year ago. We take up the top floor, have a steady renter in one bottom half, and another renter in the other bottom half who is about to move out. We plan on taking over a good part of that area for the new environmental area, including an office for me, as in a non-cubicle work area with walls, a ceiling, and a door... best of all, it is far away from the bathroom. That will leave one or two small rooms and the rear warehouse area available for rent. We had a company anniversary picnic yesterday at lunch, and since it was raining, we set up the grill in the mostly empty warehouse area. Now I had been in there before, many times, but all of a sudden, standing there with a cheeseburger in hand, I saw it... the warehouse area is a nearly perfect location for a commercial climbing gym.
It was a weird moment, not quite a vision, but a slow awakening as I tossed that cheeseburger down my gullet . I immediately saw the two main walls covered in holds and
roped up, but as I looked around, the other areas became clear... office area there, bouldering cave there in the cage area, storage/changing area up on top if the cage there, rental desk there, freestanding tower area there... There's a big garage door over there to open in nice weather, and huge skylights above for additional natural light. It has 24' ceilings, a decent height for top-roping courses. The location is awesome too... less than a mile from a major highway, and located on a side road/business park road past the indoor soccer arena but not quite to the health and fitness club. There isn't a ton of parking, but most indoor climbing gyms are open strange hours anyway... 5PM to 10PM during the week is common, perfect for sharing the lot with a 8 to 5 business.Anyway, here's some pictures of the site:
The big open walls would be great for roped full height areas, while the cage area would make a great bouldering cave. Other bouldering areas could wrap around the shorter walls, and a full height roped spire would balance out the other corner. Lockers and changing benches could be on top of the cave, and the office and bathrooms are in that room under the heating ducts.My town is pretty wealthy(except for me) and pretty active(ditto), so I'm sure the place would attract a bunch of people... heck, in a town where there are a dozen kindergarten soccer teams, 1st graders can play lacrosse, and soccer is an organized religion, you know that jamming the kids into activities is almost mandatory. Most of the girls on the 1st and 2nd grade lacrosse team that I'm coaching this season are also playing soccer, gymnastics, and/or swimming... There is a great huge climbing gym 30 minutes south of me where I climbed a lot in high school, and a pretty small gym about 20 minutes from the location up near the mall, but I think this town could easily support another...
Since leaving Boulder, I've always wanted to build a climbing wall in my house or garage, but just never got around to it... and I've always wanted to run my own business... and this location just seems nearly perfect. I really like my current job, and want to stay there, but this seems like (once it is up and running) something that could be managed as a part-time venture (with lots of help, obviously)... and this, my friends, is why I was wide awake at 4 in the morning on a Saturday. Sorry to bore you with a not funny post, but I needed the brain dump.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
The Half Eaten Corn Muffin
Well as long as I'm bitching about high local taxes (see previous post), thereby confirming that I am officially a cranky old bastard at 32, well listen up, ya'here, and lemme tell ya 'bout the put'n'take... down at the local transfer station, there is a "put'n'take" area, where you can leave your used stuff that someone might need, and take stuff that someone might have left, assuming of course that you want a 1976 Emerson hi-fi with an 8-track player and cat-scratched brown speakers, because that is the only thing that people ever seem to leave. But anyway, I digress.
My town, let's call it Taxonbury, charges really high taxes, like 10 Mill points higher than any town around. The schools here are really great, but otherwise, the services are pretty dismal... think pay toilets at the town hall... Anyway, citizens need to pay to buy a pass to drop off your recyclables at the transfer station. With that pass you can also pay to drop off other non-recycleable stuff: old appliances, yard trimmings, etc. I swung through there the other day to drop off some corrugated cardboard recycling and a few other items for the put'n'take... and the Transfer Station attendant informs me that there is now a $5 fee to drop stuff at the put'n'take. That's right, sports fans, my town now charges to let you give things away for free.
Keep in mind that stuff rarely even reaches the ground, as there is a whole put'n'take army constantly loitering in the area, ready to leap across the retaining wall to grab that Jefferson Airplane poster and the olive green 1972 toaster oven right out of your hands before you even unload it...
So anyway, not being interested in paying to give my stuff away, I moved onto step 2: the yard sale. For those not familiar with the tradition, a yard sale is a process where you spend most of a weekend day attractively staging your belongings in your driveway so that people driving past can easily point and sneer at the junk you once wanted. A few people will stop by to give you a dollar or so for a $20 item, or maybe $10 for a brand new $100 item. At the end of an 8 hour day you will realize with dismay that you just gave away $500 worth of items for $17.25, still have 3 hours of clean-up left, and effectively would have been better off working in some Thailand sweatshop sewing swooshes onto $150 sneakers named after some douche who didn't finish high school.
After packing up all the junk again and crying myself to sleep, I awoke refreshed and ready for step 3: Freecycle. Freecycle is an online community designed to help people reuse things and keep stuff out of the landfill. In theory, it is brilliant, and in some cases, it works swell. In most cases, it works like this: Offer in Hartford: Half eaten corn muffin. Wrapper is mostly intact, but muffin must be picked up by 3:45PM... or Wanted in New Haven: 42" LCD Plasma HDTV, in very good to excellent condition. Must be in original packaging with instructions, and delivery must be available as I have no car right now, and my parakeet has terminal feather rot so I can't leave her side.
By posting my yardsale items in Freecycle, I hoped to help some people out, get rid of some stuff, and maybe even save myself a bit of work. I wrote up some descriptions, posted the items up for grabs, and immediately was flooded with responses and requests for certain items. I carefully responded to each and everyone, gave detailed directions to each person, and set the items at the curbside for convenient pickup. After the first day, none of the items were retrieved. I understand how busy life can be, so I gave everyone a second day. Still no pickups... so I emailed politely every last person.
I woke up the next morning hoping to find an email box full of courteous responses, but was greeted only with a few offers for new mortgages, random Facebook friend requests (apparently my picture looks hot, and lots of people want to meet me for discreet fun), and many offer for products to help enhance that certain part of the male anatomy.(I hope my new facebook friends don't find out about those emails...) Anyway, it was also pouring down rain by now, so I decided to let the stuff sit out for one more day. I returned home to find all my stuff still there, and I suspect some of my neighbors might have added new items to my soggy pile of unwanted treasures.
You know how the story ends... me, in the front yard, listening to my sweet new Emerson hig-fi, trying in vain to build a bonfire with a bunch of soggy crap. At least I have a half a corn muffin to munch on...
Seriously though, folks, that is not very good advice. As some of you know, I have been actively fighting to protect the environment since high school, through undergrad, through a Master's program, and through a bunch of years as an environmental scientist, and when it comes to reducing, reusing, and recycling old stuff, my best advice is this: be sure to use lots of gasoline and old tires to really get that bonfire going, and make sure it is plenty hot before you toss in the brand new 42" LCD Plasma HDTV... despite the amazing picture clarity, those things are full of nasty pollutants, and they can cause big environmental problems if your bonfire isn't hot enough.
After packing up all the junk again and crying myself to sleep, I awoke refreshed and ready for step 3: Freecycle. Freecycle is an online community designed to help people reuse things and keep stuff out of the landfill. In theory, it is brilliant, and in some cases, it works swell. In most cases, it works like this: Offer in Hartford: Half eaten corn muffin. Wrapper is mostly intact, but muffin must be picked up by 3:45PM... or Wanted in New Haven: 42" LCD Plasma HDTV, in very good to excellent condition. Must be in original packaging with instructions, and delivery must be available as I have no car right now, and my parakeet has terminal feather rot so I can't leave her side.
By posting my yardsale items in Freecycle, I hoped to help some people out, get rid of some stuff, and maybe even save myself a bit of work. I wrote up some descriptions, posted the items up for grabs, and immediately was flooded with responses and requests for certain items. I carefully responded to each and everyone, gave detailed directions to each person, and set the items at the curbside for convenient pickup. After the first day, none of the items were retrieved. I understand how busy life can be, so I gave everyone a second day. Still no pickups... so I emailed politely every last person.
I woke up the next morning hoping to find an email box full of courteous responses, but was greeted only with a few offers for new mortgages, random Facebook friend requests (apparently my picture looks hot, and lots of people want to meet me for discreet fun), and many offer for products to help enhance that certain part of the male anatomy.(I hope my new facebook friends don't find out about those emails...) Anyway, it was also pouring down rain by now, so I decided to let the stuff sit out for one more day. I returned home to find all my stuff still there, and I suspect some of my neighbors might have added new items to my soggy pile of unwanted treasures.
You know how the story ends... me, in the front yard, listening to my sweet new Emerson hig-fi, trying in vain to build a bonfire with a bunch of soggy crap. At least I have a half a corn muffin to munch on...
Seriously though, folks, that is not very good advice. As some of you know, I have been actively fighting to protect the environment since high school, through undergrad, through a Master's program, and through a bunch of years as an environmental scientist, and when it comes to reducing, reusing, and recycling old stuff, my best advice is this: be sure to use lots of gasoline and old tires to really get that bonfire going, and make sure it is plenty hot before you toss in the brand new 42" LCD Plasma HDTV... despite the amazing picture clarity, those things are full of nasty pollutants, and they can cause big environmental problems if your bonfire isn't hot enough.
April Sucked
You ever have one of those months where you have to tell a bunch of people that you have to move far far away and they get super mad and yell at you for 26 days continuously and then all of a sudden it turns out that you're not going to move and all those mad people are now happy people, but wait, you can't afford not to move, so maybe then you have to still move but maybe close instead of far far away, and then all of a sudden you realize you can resolve the whole issue by moving your sofa to a different room? Of course you have... everyone has, I'm sure.Yeah, that was my April.
I do realize that everyone has months just like that, and maybe even a lot of you had the exact same experiences this past April... if so, congratulations on living through it and not running off to the tattoo parlor for an impulsive bad decision on your way to run away to Alaska to work on a crab boat in the Bering Sea. Don't get me wrong, impulsive tattoos are generally a great idea, as is running away to Alaska to work a fishing boat, but obviously, doing so with a fresh tattoo is not the best idea. Those rubber overalls chafe something awful, and the tattoo will never heal properly when constantly coated in salt water and fish slime in sub-freezing temperatures.
So anyway, long story short, instead of moving to the hot zone we'll be staying in central Connect-the-dots, and instead of moving locally to a town with smaller houses and smaller taxes, we'll likely stay put, block off a room or two, add a roommate to the mix, all the while bitching about the high taxes. Lots of mixed feelings all around, but not moving is certainly easier than moving, and not selling during a massive real estate slump is always a neat perk too. I guess overall, despite some mixed feelings, it was a good decision, and house-wise, I'm really happy... I dig the house, the cul-de-sac, and the neighbors...
Anyway, speaking of moving far away, warmest congratulations to my favorite Spanish-fluent Canandaiguan accupuncturist former roommate now living in Godzilla-Land and his lovely wife on the arrival of their 3320-gram baby1.0. She is the cutest tri-lingual infant I've ever seen. Well done Wilson-san.
Coming soon -
the t-shirt story, something about mary, and rat pancakes.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Just Plain Wrong
The woman in front of me at Subway today ordered a chicken teriyaki sub, which comes in a sauce of it's own. She then added cheese (melted), sweet onion sauce, chipotle sauce, and extra mayo. I'm pretty sure that if Subway offered a big bowl of gravy for sammich dipping, she would have gotten that too. Aside from being a henoius combination of flavors, what exactly is it that possesses people to abuse condiments in such a reckless manner? I'm not saying it should be illegal, I'm just saying that some things are JUST PLAIN WRONG.
Much in the same way that responsible drivers should be handed a stack of "hey, you're driving like an asshat" stickers to be distributed at will, I think that other responsible individuals should be given a whole stack of "Just Plain Wrong" cards for distribution in other situations. As an internationally reknowned individual who does everything pretty much perfectly, I'd be happy to spearhead this movement, provided I would report directly to the United Nations, and that I have a budget similar to that of national defense. And an office with one of those neat mesh high tech office chairs.
Coming soon, from the Department of Just Plain Wrong: two of the wrongest t-shirts I've ever seen, which I of course had to buy while on vacation in Orlando.
Much in the same way that responsible drivers should be handed a stack of "hey, you're driving like an asshat" stickers to be distributed at will, I think that other responsible individuals should be given a whole stack of "Just Plain Wrong" cards for distribution in other situations. As an internationally reknowned individual who does everything pretty much perfectly, I'd be happy to spearhead this movement, provided I would report directly to the United Nations, and that I have a budget similar to that of national defense. And an office with one of those neat mesh high tech office chairs.
Coming soon, from the Department of Just Plain Wrong: two of the wrongest t-shirts I've ever seen, which I of course had to buy while on vacation in Orlando.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Disney Part 2
Okay, here's a quick follow-up with some factual junk about our Disney trip... it will not be funny, so get ready to not laugh. The next post will make up for it, I swear.
I think that 6 or 7 is the ideal age to visit Disney. I was 5 and remember almost nothing except eating a hotdog in a funny paper wrapper and falling off a moon-bounce thing and skinning my knee. If you wait till 8 or 9 I think a lot of the magic is gone, as well as some of the innocent belief. At this age, Disney is still sorta real... the princesses might just be real princesses, and the characters are not yet sweaty teenagers making $6.50 an hour to get heat stroke. Also, below that age you may run into height restrictions... Lucy is tall enough that it wasn't an issue. There is certainly fun stuff for younger kids, but with few lasting memories for them, a $65 day ticket for a 3 year old is pretty steep for me and my rock and roll paycheck to paycheck lifestyle.
We did Animal Kingdom on day 1 and Magic Kingdom on day 2. AK is a pretty reasonable one day, while MK is a long one day or maybe a day and a half... but by halfway through MK day, I was straight up exhausted. After a rest, a nap, a beer, and a dinner, I was ready for a few more hours, but we all slept in from midnight till about 10AM the next day.
On the third day, we planned on doing Seaworld but got the impression that it was a couple of cool shows (dolphins, sea lions, and Shamu) mixed with a bunch of coasters. We don't do coasters... hell, I nearly hurl after 3 seconds on a swingset... so we decided to skip SeaWorld and have a mellow day. Instead we went to GatorLand, "Orlando's Best Half day Attraction", and we were really psyched to find that it was an awesome spot. I feared that it would be a big concrete swimming pool with a bunch of sickly gators and Cletus poking them with a stick, but it was in fact a great place to spend a few hours. There were a few shows with snakes, tarantulas, and creepy critters, a brief gator wrestling event, and a jumping for chickens show, but the best part was the huge breeding marsh with boardwalk and observation tower. You could get within feet of hundreds of gators, and the swamp birds like cattle egrets were nesting a few feet away as well. The shows were fun and goofy enough for a kid to enjoy, but still cool for adults, and the boardwalk was really neat too.... and at under $20 for an adult, or 1/4 the price of a Disney/SeaWorld/Universal, I think it is a must see location.
In my mind, Epcot is too educational for young kids. I went a few years ago and found much of it, um, kinda boring. I think Disney Hollywood Park, Seaworld, and Universal are also not well suited for young kids. We also skipped the waterparks due to the 50 degree weather and, again, the motion sickness issue above.
So, for us, I think a three day visit was pretty much perfect...
Day 1: get in late afternoon, get settled, and souvenier shop at an outlety (preemptive strike... we skipped 98% of the 432,789 gift shops in the parks by buying a few things right away.... saved us roughly 6 days and $56,089 dollars.)
Day 2: Animal Kingdom for an easier day, get used to the process and the ways to beat the system (FAST PASS!)
Day 3: Long day at Magic Kingdom, break Midday, and stay late.
Day 4: sleep in, hit GatorLand on the way to the airport (or catch early flight the next day).
That's a pretty good long weekend, hit the best and skip the rest! Tis oif course assumes kids... if you are without kids, this advice is really crappy and you should totally ignore it.
I think that 6 or 7 is the ideal age to visit Disney. I was 5 and remember almost nothing except eating a hotdog in a funny paper wrapper and falling off a moon-bounce thing and skinning my knee. If you wait till 8 or 9 I think a lot of the magic is gone, as well as some of the innocent belief. At this age, Disney is still sorta real... the princesses might just be real princesses, and the characters are not yet sweaty teenagers making $6.50 an hour to get heat stroke. Also, below that age you may run into height restrictions... Lucy is tall enough that it wasn't an issue. There is certainly fun stuff for younger kids, but with few lasting memories for them, a $65 day ticket for a 3 year old is pretty steep for me and my rock and roll paycheck to paycheck lifestyle.
We did Animal Kingdom on day 1 and Magic Kingdom on day 2. AK is a pretty reasonable one day, while MK is a long one day or maybe a day and a half... but by halfway through MK day, I was straight up exhausted. After a rest, a nap, a beer, and a dinner, I was ready for a few more hours, but we all slept in from midnight till about 10AM the next day.
On the third day, we planned on doing Seaworld but got the impression that it was a couple of cool shows (dolphins, sea lions, and Shamu) mixed with a bunch of coasters. We don't do coasters... hell, I nearly hurl after 3 seconds on a swingset... so we decided to skip SeaWorld and have a mellow day. Instead we went to GatorLand, "Orlando's Best Half day Attraction", and we were really psyched to find that it was an awesome spot. I feared that it would be a big concrete swimming pool with a bunch of sickly gators and Cletus poking them with a stick, but it was in fact a great place to spend a few hours. There were a few shows with snakes, tarantulas, and creepy critters, a brief gator wrestling event, and a jumping for chickens show, but the best part was the huge breeding marsh with boardwalk and observation tower. You could get within feet of hundreds of gators, and the swamp birds like cattle egrets were nesting a few feet away as well. The shows were fun and goofy enough for a kid to enjoy, but still cool for adults, and the boardwalk was really neat too.... and at under $20 for an adult, or 1/4 the price of a Disney/SeaWorld/Universal, I think it is a must see location.
In my mind, Epcot is too educational for young kids. I went a few years ago and found much of it, um, kinda boring. I think Disney Hollywood Park, Seaworld, and Universal are also not well suited for young kids. We also skipped the waterparks due to the 50 degree weather and, again, the motion sickness issue above.
So, for us, I think a three day visit was pretty much perfect...
Day 1: get in late afternoon, get settled, and souvenier shop at an outlety (preemptive strike... we skipped 98% of the 432,789 gift shops in the parks by buying a few things right away.... saved us roughly 6 days and $56,089 dollars.)
Day 2: Animal Kingdom for an easier day, get used to the process and the ways to beat the system (FAST PASS!)
Day 3: Long day at Magic Kingdom, break Midday, and stay late.
Day 4: sleep in, hit GatorLand on the way to the airport (or catch early flight the next day).
That's a pretty good long weekend, hit the best and skip the rest! Tis oif course assumes kids... if you are without kids, this advice is really crappy and you should totally ignore it.
Thoughts on Disney
Let me begin by stating that I actively dislike big crowds, hot weather, and excessive consumerism/marketing especially to youth. With that said, I just got back from a trip to Walt Disney World in Florida during school vacation week. Further complicating the trip was that I was travelling with my mom, my sister, my wife, and my daughter. As the single Y-chromosome in the family truckster, I had the cards stacked against me...Now I'm no conspiracy theorist, but a lot of people talk about how thoroughly Disney has taken over the culture of central Florida (and perhaps the world, via the Disney-AOL-Hershey-Microsoft-Google-Islam-Vatican City merger; I highly suggest that you read Team Rodent: How Disney Devours the World by Carl Hiaasen, a native Floridian jounalist with the Miami Herald, and one of my favorite authors).
Anyway, it was pretty clear to me right away... after arriving at the hotel, I went to talk to the concierge/guest services dude about what to see, where to go, and all that, and lo and behold, the dude had three fingers on one hand. It looked sort of like this... 
which reminds me of this...
I'm not saying that M.Mouse or D. Duck had anything to do with the three-fingered concierge, but it was intriguing nonetheless.
With that said, the mission for the trip was to create a great vacation and memories for my almost seven year old daughter, so I had to put aside my X-Files suspicions, repress my y-chromosome instincts, and just do all that I could to ensure a great trip.
Given the crowds, the variety of attarctions, and the sheer scale of all that is Disney, it is of vital importance that you plan ahead and time everything perfectly. Planning for a 3 day Disney trip is akin to the preparations required by the Allied Forced before their early summer visit to the Beaches of Normandy... The lack of space on the internet prevents me from going into the full plan of attack, but let me share a few key pieces of wisdom:
1) The $15 fee to rent a stroller is the best money that you will ever spend. We didn't rent one the first day, and didn't make it 15 steps into the park before the first meltdown occurred due to tired feet and legs. And no, your child is not different. Disney is a magical place, and will create some priceless memories, but from time to time, it will also turn your normally peaceful child into a raving screaming lunatic. A one day walk through the Magic Kingdom is about as much walking as a typical Everest summit attempt... starting in Minneapolis. Get the stroller.
2) Go early, leave, and come back late. It defies all known rules of child-rearing, but we had our best Disney time between 6PM and midnight. There are no lines, plus the night-time parade and fireworks are both awesome, especially when viewed from a ride.
3) As a seven year old, the best rides include the Monorail and the tram, so don't be afraid to pack a lunch and take a ride back to the parking area for a car-side picnic. $5 Subway sammiches taste all the sweeter in a calm quiet car when compared to a $9 cold cheeseburger, a $5 order of fries, and a $4 Coke...
Gotta go unpack, bye for now ehhh.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Classified Absurdity
I read the classified ads.
It is a quirk, I'll admit, but I like to see what sort of weird stuff people sell, and I like to know what stuff is worth... like if I had a bunch of leather bondage gear to trade, what might i get for it? (odd that I keep going back to that one post... better discuss that in next weeks' electrotherapy session...)Anyway, I come across all sort of wackiness.... here's a few:
Here's a funny end to a "for sale" ad for a motorcycle:
"These were very easy miles. I am in my mid 40's and do not ride aggresively. Please reply to me at ridefast06@yahoo.com"
So how do you define agressively? One way might be riding fast. Hmm.
Next up, an interesting definition of the word "honest". (abridged version)
23 yr old male from the looking for a weekend Part Time job that pays under the table. I'm very easy going, honest, respectful, great with people, a team player, and a person who gives 100% effort into everything I do. Just an honest guy looking to make a few bucks to make ends meet.
Hmm, last time I checked, under the table jobs were ILLEGAL. Doing illegal stuff is typically viewed as, oh, what's the word, Not Honest?
Finally, this ad just makes me sad, and makes me doubt the survival of our species for much longer. This message is presented uneditted in its entirety for your viewing pleasure.
SUP PPLS i got a hole ls swaup for 88 to 91 crx or civic hatchback so if any 1 got a shell for sell call=860-208-5128 or mail me at GORILLASELLCARS@YAHOO.COM I got the car n drive it it need paper work im no goin tru tha so if any got a shell hit me up will pay up to $500 or will trade the hole swup crx for 92+civic hatchback
I'm not sure, but I think he might want to buy or sell or trade something vaguely Honda related, but that is about all I can gather. I also suspect he might be wearing a baseball cap at some odd angle, but again, that is just a guess.
It is a quirk, I'll admit, but I like to see what sort of weird stuff people sell, and I like to know what stuff is worth... like if I had a bunch of leather bondage gear to trade, what might i get for it? (odd that I keep going back to that one post... better discuss that in next weeks' electrotherapy session...)Anyway, I come across all sort of wackiness.... here's a few:
Here's a funny end to a "for sale" ad for a motorcycle:
"These were very easy miles. I am in my mid 40's and do not ride aggresively. Please reply to me at ridefast06@yahoo.com"
So how do you define agressively? One way might be riding fast. Hmm.
Next up, an interesting definition of the word "honest". (abridged version)
23 yr old male from the looking for a weekend Part Time job that pays under the table. I'm very easy going, honest, respectful, great with people, a team player, and a person who gives 100% effort into everything I do. Just an honest guy looking to make a few bucks to make ends meet.
Hmm, last time I checked, under the table jobs were ILLEGAL. Doing illegal stuff is typically viewed as, oh, what's the word, Not Honest?
Finally, this ad just makes me sad, and makes me doubt the survival of our species for much longer. This message is presented uneditted in its entirety for your viewing pleasure.
SUP PPLS i got a hole ls swaup for 88 to 91 crx or civic hatchback so if any 1 got a shell for sell call=860-208-5128 or mail me at GORILLASELLCARS@YAHOO.COM I got the car n drive it it need paper work im no goin tru tha so if any got a shell hit me up will pay up to $500 or will trade the hole swup crx for 92+civic hatchback
I'm not sure, but I think he might want to buy or sell or trade something vaguely Honda related, but that is about all I can gather. I also suspect he might be wearing a baseball cap at some odd angle, but again, that is just a guess.
Sketchy Digital Post-It News
Yesterday afternoon I posted a follow-up to my Post-It Note internet... 12 hours later, this is posted to the Gizmodo technology newsgroup:Talk about quick development cycles... these folks apparently read about my updated Post-It browser yesterday, developed it last night, and had a technology piece written about it within about 12 hours. The full article is here, but please remember where you saw it first...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
9 Year Anniversary
So today is my 9 year wedding anniversary... so I pull out my handy dandy internets from my pocket, and ask wikipedia what the dealio is. The full Wikipedia article says this, but my pocket Wiki says this: 
(notice I upgraded my browser, and now have a start button, application name, and current time at the bottom of each browser applications. yeah, I'm cutting edge...)
Hmm, says me, a leather gift... I think I know just the thing that would make the perfect anniversary gift, and it is leather too...
(notice I upgraded my browser, and now have a start button, application name, and current time at the bottom of each browser applications. yeah, I'm cutting edge...)Hmm, says me, a leather gift... I think I know just the thing that would make the perfect anniversary gift, and it is leather too...
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